26 - Reimagined

Nother lapse... but it was shorter this time and there was a holiday involved... that gives me a free pass, no?

Probably not, but, what can you do, right?

Its Friday...

Friday, the day after Christmas.

Sitting here at work adn all i want is to be home on the xbox. Or to here from Desi... Preferably both. I know she's ok, now, at least... Talked for a few minutes xmas eve night, before she had to get back to her fam. Don't need to worry about her ditch/car accident nemore, at least.

Jadens back at work now... for the day... not expecting to see her at all, tho. Theres a possibility that i'll be home when she gets home from work to pick up some stuff... but she's already wanting to leave early and im not going to be suprised if she does. Then she'll head back to the qc and back to Ace. Ive made peace with it. Not going to forget it, being left for a whole week like this, for him... but i've made peace with it.

I'm doing ok. And I don't know if thats wrong, or a mirage, or a farce, or what. But, I"m doing ok. I've accepted some things that subconciously i've been trying very hard not to accept. It took some re-playing of conversations in my head to get there, but i feel like i'm standing on some pretty solid ground, now.

I finally just told myself, that if I'm hearing her telling him that she loves him, then thats the end of the show. Curtain call. Last peice in the puzzle. And so thats that. I won't begrudge either of them, because it isn't my style. But, regardless of whether they've .decided. to give it a go and a label or not, she loves him, not me, and thats all that i need to be concerned with.

express mail time, i'll be back

So now what? Jaden is getting out of work at 2, like i already said i wasn't going to be suprised about. meaning she'll be taking the gifts that she needs to take, possibly doing some cleanup if she still feels like its necessary, and then heading out to the qc. So, like i'd already assumed, i won't be seeing her today, methinks.

So the day goes on, like it already was going to. Nothings really changed... finish work, go home... Maybe some supper, def some mass effect... Maybe Desi will call when she's done with work, maybe not. Might have to see what TJ is up to this weekend, maybe he'll want to hang out or something...

I'm still doing ok, tho. A few days ago, the thought that she was getting out of work early and going to be spending more time with Ace than had been previously planned would have def taken its toll on me, but, i'm shrugging it off and away, cause its none of my bees wax. She's got her own life and i'm not a part of that, maybe an accessory to it, but certainly not a part of it, and therefore it shouldn't eb affecting me.

My hand hurts... dunno why but, i'm gonna stop typing for now... Stamp time anyway. More later perhaps...