[ ] - inevitable

texted today... just trying to ease my piece of mind, about the party tonight... trying to get a feel as to what jadens attitude is when we end up going out to do something together... because i worry about behavior and appropriatness and all of that stuff... especially when the outside world only knows that we've split... whereas our own internal world is much more complex than that... sure, we've split... but were still far more together than normal friends might be. And thats a point of contention to me... contention i don't think is the right word, but... i can't think of another one for it right now.

I just wanted to know if for the time that we do go out in public we were temporarily off the market, so far as to not be open to other men/women respectavely...

it wasn't meant to be a mean thing, or even a suggestive concept.

just wanted to make sure we were on the same page... or at least that we knew whcih page each of us was on.

Think it led to more than that.

She said its something she wants to talk about. soon.

mentioned that we don't ever do anything apart... and that she thinks shes going to start trying to do things on her own soon. said not dating other guys... but... doing stuff on her own.

i don't know what that means.

what can you do on your own? go to the bar? go to the mall? go to a movie?

I can't think of anythign that i would possibly want to go out and do allone.... much less without her. I guess we'll be talking about it soon. feels like i'm not going to enjoy it... thinking its gonna hrut... one mroe step closer to seperation i think... but i know what i can't do, and thats smother her. she needs some space, i'm going to have to give her that space. wether it worries me to death whil she's out or not.

like the title states, though, suppose it was inevitable.. can't kid myself that it wouldn't have come up eventually, can't blame myself and make it seem like i brought it on...

So, deep breath, smiley face, winky eye. stop worrying. so easily said, so hard to do, but necessary. always. stop worrying, let things happen. just... let... go..