27 - Thus it shall be

...

And so it is. She's on her way to the gas station now... quqick stop for some oil and some air for her tires, then its off to her parents for thanksgiving dinner... they're eating early so that she can "come back home" yet today... but in all reality she's going to Ace's parents house, and will be spending the night there. They'll be taking her to the airport and keeping her car for her on friday morning, and that will be it. 24 hours from now she'll be well on her way to the east coast and he'll be there waiting to pick her up.

That goodbye was way too short... way to meaningless... way to... indifferent. If its the last hug i get from her, it was sorely inadequate and i'll never forgive myself for not asking for more... We'll just have to let it go though. Let it go like everything else. My fate is in the air and controlled by someone other than myself now... so all i can do is eat sleep and die. Lets get to it.


Home again, home again. but it doesn't feel like it at all. So quiet... So empty... I've got all the lights on, the tv going and the laptop running... but theres a presence here that is surely missed, and that presence is one I cannot simulate or duplicate with any amount of artificial interference.

Its funny how i could live here alone for three months and never really have a problem with it... juts because of the mentality that she was mine and she was coming home soon... and that her thoughts and her heart were with me. maybe thats what the presence really is.... her heart mind and soul... And right now, I think those things rest fully with her, and soon with her and him.

So maybe thats the emptiness I feel here now.

I don't know. Not something thats healthy for me to dwell on at all... In another 30 min or so it'll be time for me to head to bed, and try to hope that sleep will come. I think i had a lot more thoughts that i wanted to scratch down in this update but i feel like most have gone away, and the rest are ones i'd rather not spend time on enough to give them corporeal form.

So i Suppose unless some horrible nightmare shakes me out of sleep tonight and i don't see and end in sight, I think this will be all for todays blog, and I'll probably write more tomorrow.