Well, Ace didn't dissapoint, yesterday. He did indeed call... and just about as late as I'd thought he might. But, Jaden also didn't dissapoint, in fact I was fairly suprised, even though I knew she was tired and had been falling asleep most of the way through the second half of Airplane... still, i was fairly suprised when she did not answer the phone. Now, what that means going into tonight or tomorrow night? I'm not sure, but, thats in the future and can't be worried about right now. Right now all that matters, really, is that he called late last night, and she didn't answer it.
And why does he call so late? On the East coast of all places? He's got a full hour head start to begin with, so why the need to wait until 2300 or later his time before he bothers to dial her up on the phone? Regardless of the inconsideratness that it shoes for the sleep cycle, what gives with that? Maybe I'm just miffed about it and over-reacting.
The cuddling was gone, last night... Not even just a decrease from sunday night, literally gone. Maybe she was just that tired... or maybe it was what my gut and first reaction goes to, adn thats getting teh call from him. *shrugs* also irrelavant, in the grand scheme of things... but its these small thigns that tend to claw their way into my mind and then remain there with relentless determination until they eat me up inside.
I made Torsk, last night... Although it was slightly ad libbed... apparently the fish frozen in our freezer was cat and not cod... *shrugs unknowingly* how was I supposed to know that? Either way, Jaden thought it was great, and that made me pretty happy... It wasn't bad I thought, but i felt as though it could have been better...
Heroes was captivating, as it seems to ussually be, and Chuck warming up before Heroes was decently funny, as ussual, as well...
I've decided to work on friday, even though i had the chance to not... I think at least working and having something going on will hopefully help with the fact that Jaden will be out there on the coast... I've managed to arrange a shopping trip with an old friend of mine for Saturday, So hopefully that will keep me slightly distracted as well, and theres a possibility that i might go to a coworkers place to watch the football game on Sunday... Then work again on monday before she comes home on tuesday...
I think its my only hope to try to stay as absolutely busy as possible. Elst my mind and imagination will shred me into a pitiful pile of worry, hurt, heartbreak, and emptiness. And I don't particularly want that.
I mentioned it a bit, to Spike, one of her friends from Ames that I feel able to claim as my friend as well... and his advice, though i already knew it, was to just Relax. Because theres literally nothing I can do about it all. Its the truth and its simple enough in concept... Just the execution phase that i'm having trouble with.
Well, pc's about to restart... Something about updates... more later
*sigh*
I can feel it starting... that cold hand in my gut, slowly solidifying... Sharpening its claws, getting ready to start twisting up by inards and shredding things up. And i'm doing my best to thwart it. Doing my best to relax. To let things be. Developing a plan to try to stay busy, reminding myself how much i can't change things and how much control of the situation i dob't have... Trying to convince myself that its just a visit, and nothing more.
I think i need to try harder.
Nonetheless, the beat goes on. The sun rises and falls, and things keep on going. And thats exactly what I've got to do. I've got to just keep on going. Things are bound to happen the way they will, and i've just got to play my part the only way i can and know how. It should be obvious by now that events are outside of my own control. I couldn't do anything to stop Jaden from ending things, no matter how hard i tried. It was just the way she needed things to be. The same probably goes for my last breakup and how it turned out too...
I've just got to relax and be me and see how things turn out in the end. Too much of this speculating and worrying and trying to see into the future is just simply not good for me, and I"ve got to find a way to quit it. Well, I suppose that'll be all for now... nother few minutes and it'll be time for this run... and then its off to home, figure out what the evenings looking like schedule wise, do what i need to do until Jaden gets home from work, and go from there. He'll call tonight, probably... So i'll need to be prepared for that... however i do that, well i still haven't figured out how to properly prepare or deal with that... but... *shrugs* i can't kid myself and expect him not to... so, we'll see.
See y'all on the other side.
Heh, well as fate would have it ace already called and left another voicemail... no doubt like the one he left yesterday that made her laugh that way she always does for him... And she's already texted me to let me know she will be calling him back tonight. So... Thats that. Not sure still how i'm going to prepare or handle it but its inevitable now... my prediction, though... is that she'll call fairly early in the night, and he won't answer... she'll leave a voice mail, and then later on in the night, after we've done our evening stuff and are either getting ready for or already in bed, he'll call back... she'll take a blanket, a pillow, and her skeleton kitty out to the living room to talk for hours... and i'll be forsaken in the bedroom, trying not to hear, unable to sleep, and unable to distract myself in any successful way....Just a prediction... but precedence is on my side...
in other news... well, thats pretty much all the news... home now... waiting for her to get done with work so we can go help our friends by moving their trash cans back after trash day... then getting some gas in my car... then coming home to do whatever it is we'll be passing off for supper tonight, and finding out how much of the evening i'll have with her before or after the call... and going from there... because thats all that I can do.
No comments:
Post a Comment