So its one of those Fridays... The ones that aren't followed by a relaxing weekend, rather, followed by two more work days in the form of Drill. Sure makes it hard to be excited about the end of the week, when you know not only is it not ending, but also that its just going to blur straight on through into the next work week, turning it into a twelve day work week.
All that aside, It is still indeed Friday. And yesterday was indeed Thursday... Lets talk about yesterday real quick, yeah?
After catching up on Jadens last few blogs, i decided that I couldn't wait any longer for her to decide that the time was right to approach the subjects that needed to be discussed. I understand why she was waiting. Obviously i've been a bit distracted lately, and i've had a decent amount on my mind. However, no matter how distracted or how much else i've got going on... Well, communication must be maintained.
So, i told her yesterday afternoon we needed to talk. And so we did. She's starting to consider moving in with her friend, again. The one whos in the not so good relationship and trying to find a way out of it. Well, I was honest. I told Jaden straight up, 'I'm done trying to keep you here.' And I am. If she wants to move out that badly, then theres nothing I can do about it. I very much enjoy only having to pay for half of the bills, and having constant company in the form of a great friend is wonderful. But I can't keep trying to convince her to stick around. It ends up being degrading, after awhile.
So, thats about that. As with most things, i anticipate that as soon as she's convinced herself its a good idea, its only a matter of finding the most practical time and means to make it so. That being said, i don't think she'll be in the apt by the time spring comes around.
I did what I could, to tell her that the particular place and situation she's thinking about getting into isn't a good one, or a safe one... But I don't think she very much cares. To her, the possibility of something going wrong isn't enough... she needs proof that it already has.
That forced my hand into a place i'm not sure about being in. Because I told her, if she does end up moving into that spare bedroom, i'm going to have to figure out a way to stop caring and worrying about her and her safety. Its that simple. Theres no way, that at the point i am now, I could live a healthy and normal life with her living in that environment. I'd constantly be worried that the man would go off his rocker and she'd get caught up in the middle of it all.
So what that means in the long run? I don't know. Honestly I'm not sure if its possible, But i have a feeling i'm going to be forced to find out, regardless.
Then, for the sake of at least getting the question asked and answered out loud, i asked her if she was as convinced as she was going to be that getting married to Ace was what she wanted to do. To which she replied yes. So I told her, then, as a friend, I felt obligated to caution her about getting married so soon after getting together with someone, not living with someone before marriage to know what it will be like, and most importantly not marrying somoene before they leave for a deployment. I told her it didn't matter if it was Ace, or her other ex, or any other random marine, sailor, soldier or airmen... And I would say the same thing to anyone else, not just her, not just my friend, and not just my ex. Its just not a good situation to end up in.
She heard me. But I think thats about all.
Then I told her that I was a little worried about our friendship, and its future after she goes through with this. As of right now, ever step that she and Ace have taken in the advancement of their relationship has hurt me, in increasing intensity as its gone on. And this, getting married, will probably be the last peg in that board, and I don't know how much its going to hurt, until it happens and the realization sets in.
A hug and some tears on her part later, it was understood that neither of us wanted to not be friends, but, only time will tell.
With that out of the way, the conversation was allowed to go in a more... happy? direction. And I got to talk about Desi. Jaden says i'm happy when I talk about Desi. She's probably right. Anyway, I explained more of the past between Desi and I, to Jaden, as well as the more recent going-ons and the situation as it stands, that sort of stuff...
Talked about the way we relate to each other, the common interests we share, personality traits... The chemistry and compatability, the electricity of our meetings... It was nice to be able to relate the fondness that I feel for those early encounters, to recount the time spent in that old mustang out in that parking lot... The spontaneous decision to meet in the first place... Just all the little things that make Desi who she is, and all the little things that make Desi what she means to me.
We talked breifly about the Jaden and me issue of things... The fact that Desi still has some reservations about me coming out of the relationship with Jaden, and what feelings are or are not there trapped in and all of that. Its a murkier sort of topic and theres not a lot of headway to be made, in the long run. In the end, I feel the way I feel and all I can do is tell her and show her that. In the end, it will have to be up to her to decide whats real, whats its worth, and what she's willing to risk and put on the line for what she wants.
Desi and I didn't get to talk much last night... it was almost a tease, really. :) Left me yearning for much, much more. I do hope we get a better chance tonight... Especially with Drill coming up tomorrow. She had a long day at work yesterday and I never got a chance to find out why, Also never got to follow up on the conversation she told me she had to have before she could head home for the night. I did find out that her phone had died, though and she's going to be getting a new one this weekend probably. Thats at least exciting! She had to get to bed early, though... She had to be at work early in the morning this morning, and she just sounded sooo tired on the phone, as much as I wanted to talk to her, I had to tell her to get some sleep. I think she needed it, and I hope it went well for her.
Anyway... I've got to get to work here if i'm going to get out of here on time with this mail. So... Until later most likely, take it easy y'all.
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So, after about the entire second half of the afternoon was spent looking at horoscope compatability charts... Well, I'm in a pleasant mood.
Just dropped my phone of at the verizon store... friend from hs works there and she's gonna update my software twice overt in hopes of curing the random power downs. Unfortunately the procedure takes 45 minutes... So now i'm phoneless... And i'm so very much hoping that desi doens't get off work within the next half hour or so and i'm not there to answer the phone if she calls...
Neway, back to what i was talking about before... I'm not much for the hole horoscope thing... Least I don't think I am. .. But Jaden seems to at least consider it all... and as we were hanging out prior to sleep time last night, she showed me some stuff about pisces and it was intriguing... Then i helped her look at some possible wedding band sorts of ideas for her and Ace.
Neway, The little snippit i looked at last night intrigued me enough that i decided to do some exploring of my own today, and, it was fun, i suppose...
Being that Desi and I share a sign, according to the scopers... it makes for an interesting combination... From what i can tell and sum up from what they keep saying... the pisces to pisces relationship is pretty much the most compatable combination of the entire zodiac chart... However, the drawback is that its is so compatable, that there is a danger of the couple being .too. much in love and into one another that they let the rest of the outside world slip them by.
Something about pisces getting too wrapped up in their own little dream world or som nonsense like that.
Well, more often than not tehy say its a good match and a good thing, and the good stuff they say far outweighs the bad... So... I feel kinda good about that :)
In other news... Jadens let me know she's probably not coming home tonight... Which, i guess is alright and something i should get used to neway. Just wish it wasn't tonight, cause i'm a bit edgy about going to drill this weekend and all... Oh well. With all manner of luck, Desi will be able to call and be able to talk and i'll be just fine.
I can't keep her off my mind, thesedays... whether its remembering something from the past, or imagining something in the future... or just thinking about what she might be doing at that particular moment... well... I've got desi on me brain, that much is sure.
I need to talk to Desi, about Jaden... though. After last night and the second conversation jaden and I had... the one about Jaden wanting to make sure she didn't end up ruining any chance of my hapiness sort of thing... How jaden was worried about somehow inadvertantly or accidently mucking up my chances with desi... And, well, made me realize that Desi hadn't really vocalized straight up that she had any real qualms in that direction... but at the same time, putting myself in her shoes, i could justify and reason that sh emight have a few... and because of that, its important to me that I make sure i find out what the case really is.
oi... nother twenty minutes yet... Thats a long time to be without a phone :(.
I don't like it.
Not one bit.
it sfinally time its finally time!!! Going to get my phone... bbl!!!
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