New Beginning?

Last night was bad... all i could think about was us... and how things were, and how i wanted them to be... I went and talked to her again this evening... I told her about how i was feeling. About my night and all the thoughts that i'd had... and we talked. and talked. there were some tears, some sighs... some shouts... But, I think things worked out the way they needed to.

I got some more insight into what was going on with her... And what it was that she was trying to accomplish and overcome... I also got put into a little bit of a different perspective...

Then my car died and she had to give me a jump... less than graceful, to be sure. She was great about it, then she had to go to class...

So as i was driving home, i thought about things... about how i was going to focus, on me. On what I needed to do... and how i was going to let go of us. And i realized, that letting go of us... and stopping the dreaming about the future us... didn't mean i had to let go of the past.

I don't have to forget about all we've done... All those good times we've had aren't tarnished, just because we aren't together anymore. We did some amazing things together, and had some great times. So, now, when i think about the present... I have to think of me... not of how to make me us again... and when i think about the future... well, right now, i guess isn't the best time to be thinking abotu the future anyway... but we'll always have the past... regardless of anything else.

We closed out a halmark in san antonio... got on the wrong ferry from ellis island in new york... had thanksgiving dinner at a ruby tuesdays in newark new jersey.... walked on the seashore at corpis christy... got lost on the bad side of philadelphia... hide and seek at the elementary school park, and summer night walks to nowhere. we were happy then... those times were happy. And they should be remembered as such.


So thats that. She needs me to be her friend. And i'm going to try my hardest to do that. If fate has anythign else left in store for us... it will let us know in its own way, when the time is right.

In other news...

I go to see my old bosses tomorrow, and to check into the unit, too. Hopefully i'll have a job by the end of it... and i hope i don't have to go to drill this month... cause its about that time that we do the pt testing... and i'm sure not ready for that.... ewww...

But, having a job, i think will be good... Get me out of the house and having a purpose... i'll stop watching so much daytime tv. lol. But, anywho... thats enough for tonight me thinks... Time to unwind... maybe watch a little you tube, and try to get some z's =)